Prepare yourselves for some spine-tingling, eerie fun! Sometimes the best part of Halloween is not the fright; it’s the laughing. You’ll be howling like a werewolf and cackling like a witch after reading this selection of funny Halloween quotations. These quotations, which range from corny proverbs to sharp one-liners, wonderfully convey the goofy and joyful aspects of this eerie occasion.

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Halloween Quotes Funny

“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” – Rose Pressey
“Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.” – William Shakespeare
“Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” – David Letterman
“Where there is no imagination, there is no horror.” – Arthur Conan Doyle
“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” – Mason Cooley
“A mask tells us more than a face.” – Oscar Wilde
“When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers, ’tis near Halloween.'” – Unknown
“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“I put a spell on you because you’re mine.” – Jay Hawkins
“There is magic in the night when pumpkins glow by moonlight.” – Unknown
“Every day is Halloween isn’t it? For some of us…” – Tim Burton
“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.” – Steve Almond
“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” – Evan Peters
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.'” – Rita Rudner
“If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost.” – Lloyd Douglas
“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” – Robert Brault
“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.” – Unknown
“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” – Nicholas Gordon
“The farther we’ve gotten from the magic and mystery of our past, the more we’ve come to need Halloween. ” – Paula Guran
“Eat, drink, and be scary!” – Unknown
“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Brackett, Halloween
“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery
“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat…” – Nicholas Gordon
“Believe in the magic of the season.” – Unknown
“Trick or treat, bag of sweets, ghosts are walking down the street.” – Unknown
“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Douglas Coupland
“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?'” – Rodney Dangerfield
“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” – William Shakespeare
“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” – William Shakespeare
“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” – Wednesday Addams
“This witch can be bribed with chocolate.” – Unknown
“If you want to scare me, please just tell me the price of gas tomorrow.” – Unknown

“Hope all the candy doesn’t go to WAIST.” – Unknown
“I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode for Halloween.” – Unknown
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…and spiders.” – Unknown
“Free broom rides!” – Unknown
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” – Stephen Graham Jones
“It’s as much fun to scare as to be scared.” – Vincent Price
“Witch parking only. All others will be toad.” – Unknown
“Hey boo-tiful!” – Unknown
“This house is under elf surveillance.” – Unknown
“A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.” – Erma Bombeck
“Being normal is vastly overrated.” – Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown
“Where’s my mummy?” – Unknown
“I wave my wand and put on my cape, which means there’s about to be all kinds of awesome up in here.” – Unknown
“Hocus Pocus, I need coffee to focus.” – Unknown
“Creep it real.” – Unknown
“When the little monsters come knocking on your door, turn out the lights and pretend you’re not home!” – Unknown
“I don’t celebrate Halloween, I am Halloween.” – Unknown
“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” – Rose Pressey (Repeated for emphasis – it’s that good!)

“Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.” – J.K. Rowling
“Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” – Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown
“It’s Halloween; I guess everyone’s entitled to one good scare, huh?” – Sheriff Leigh Brackett, ‘Halloween’
“There are three things I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” – Linus Van Pelt, ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’
“Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!” – Jack Skellington, ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’
“I’m a ghost with the most, babe.” – Beetlejuice
“This witch likes wine.” – Unknown
“I’m a mouse, duh.” – Mean Girls
“Basic witch.” – Unknown
“Eat, drink and be spooky.” – Unknown
“If the broom fits, ride it!” – Unknown
“I’m only here for the boos.” – Unknown
“If you think I’m a witch, you should meet my sister!” – Unknown
“There’s a skeleton in my closet, and his name is Carl.” – Unknown
“Broom parking – 5 cents” – Unknown
“Don’t make me drop a house on you.” – Wicked Witch of the West, ‘The Wizard of Oz’
“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?” – Glinda the Good Witch, ‘The Wizard of Oz’
“When life gives you lemons, trade them for candy.” – Unknown
“If you’ve got it, haunt it.” – Rose Pressey (Great quote, worth using twice!)
“Witchful thinking” – Unknown

Halloween Quotes Funny

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